Missing Something

I decided to write a real blog having to do with me the writer.

For the past few months, actually since 2011, but here lately this feeling of a part of me has died has grown. I fell like I have lost something a part of me and I am not sure what it is. I have been debating what I have lost, you know that part of yourself that in my own words "committed suicide and did not leave a note". But I know why I have felt this way however. Parts of my life, my real life, has sucked the life out of me and I have just felt so dead or misplaced in the world. I do not want to freak anyone out but I am not going anywhere, I know how some of you will take this post, but trust me. If you read my post on suicide I am not feeling that way. I just feel empty and I know that my job has had a HUGE part in this and some other parts of my real life has contributed to this feeling. My real life and my online life are two separate things, except my online life has more friends in it and they actually care about me, while my real life is basically 3 friends, that have basically turned their backs on me and chose there lives over me. But it is ok. I am used to walking in this world alone, if you read "I survived #1" you understand why. My last few jobs I have had had made me feel like a "man without a country", and they basically push me into a corner. And being extremely anti-social does not help matters none either, but you know the old saying when life gives you lemons you make lemonade.

But I am not asking for any pity or I am sorry. This has become a part of me and I have grown used to it. I have been battling this since I was 10 years old and it just sometimes seems like something I can not get over.

But it is what it is.....

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