This is the first time I have cracked open this blog since April. To be honest I let this blog go andI feel like that some of the posts that I did on this blog were not totally me. Yes I did write a few just to post something to keep my audience coming even though it was a load of crap. This blog was like everything else I have had going on in my life, it was something new to me and this was to be my outlet to express myself. And then I let it burn me out and the popularity of this blog at the time scared me and so I wrote alot of the posts just to make a post to keep up with the growth of this blog, and then I just stuffed in a hole somewhere and forgotten it.
That is what I am wanting to in my real life. I recently went out with a young lady, and she did like everyone else "killed the gentleman". I feel like I am not a hard person to get along with. I am just very broken and I have let anger and fear drive me. I am one of those types of people that are so scared to let anyone in because of how people have treated me. I let her in and like 2 out of three of her predecessors she basically destroyed and ruined me some more. Plus this week I tried to bring an old friend back in my life and that person basically said no. And that hurt alot and that added to my suffering this week. I have been also hunting another job and that has not gone well either to the point I stupidly went back to my weekend job because of being fearful and everyone telling me no. So my self worth and feeling like I do not belong basically hit rock bottom. So I told people I was going to run back into my emotional "hole" and of course that scared alot of people, but I think it angered a few too.
People want me to live my life and let go of things. It is hard to live a life when you are used to being alone. I have friends and they are great to me and I appreciate all of them, but they are all online friends.
I am a man of many burdens and I have tried to let go of these burdens. Like this blog was supposed to be my outlet for how I feel. I do not have an outlet, because in my real life no one understands.
On a final note again thank you to all of my friends that have my back and I am sorry that I am not the easiest person to give advice to, but I appreciate it.
Mortis.
Saturday, October 31, 2015
Thursday, April 23, 2015
Blowing the Dust off this Blog...
To my readers,
Yes I know that it has been along time since I have written anything. October 2014 was the last time I wrote anything on this blog. To be honest I really did not think I would be writing another post. I actually thought I was done doing this. I had gotten really busy with school and when I did write something I did not think it was any good or hardly anyone read it. So I thought that with the length of time in between posts I thought that had hurt my blog, so I assumed no one cared about this anymore. I got busy with school and I got a second job. So I really had 0 time to write.
But the first of this year a side project got thrown in my lap and it was with my fellow colleagues and I thought we could all write a tech blog since we are all in the same degree. I had written a few blog posts with that group of guys, however they did not pull their weight and so that project is done and gone. I wrote a few posts for the other blog, but it is hard to keep a tech blog running ALONE. So I went back to focusing on school and my second job, which I enjoy greatly. My weekend job well I do not want to talk about it. That is something else in my life I wish I could let go of.
So the main reason I am writing this. One of my friends I am not sure if they did it as a joke or if they were serious asked when I was going to blog again. So I asked my circle of friends, who are all online. I would never let a person in my real life read this blog. They would all curl over and die or disown me. Even though I have had alot of people walk out of my life and I have let alot of people in my life who does not see this part of me. So I posted a question to see how many missed my blog and it was a few people that say hey we miss it.
So this is a test run to see if I still got it to keep a blog going.
Thanks for all the support last year....
Yes I know that it has been along time since I have written anything. October 2014 was the last time I wrote anything on this blog. To be honest I really did not think I would be writing another post. I actually thought I was done doing this. I had gotten really busy with school and when I did write something I did not think it was any good or hardly anyone read it. So I thought that with the length of time in between posts I thought that had hurt my blog, so I assumed no one cared about this anymore. I got busy with school and I got a second job. So I really had 0 time to write.
But the first of this year a side project got thrown in my lap and it was with my fellow colleagues and I thought we could all write a tech blog since we are all in the same degree. I had written a few blog posts with that group of guys, however they did not pull their weight and so that project is done and gone. I wrote a few posts for the other blog, but it is hard to keep a tech blog running ALONE. So I went back to focusing on school and my second job, which I enjoy greatly. My weekend job well I do not want to talk about it. That is something else in my life I wish I could let go of.
So the main reason I am writing this. One of my friends I am not sure if they did it as a joke or if they were serious asked when I was going to blog again. So I asked my circle of friends, who are all online. I would never let a person in my real life read this blog. They would all curl over and die or disown me. Even though I have had alot of people walk out of my life and I have let alot of people in my life who does not see this part of me. So I posted a question to see how many missed my blog and it was a few people that say hey we miss it.
So this is a test run to see if I still got it to keep a blog going.
Thanks for all the support last year....
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