To my readers,
It has been 11 days since I last wrote a blog. I have just been dealing with a lot as of late. I have been dealing with my demons more and more. It has been due to the actions of 2 females I used to date. And it has just made me feel so much and realize a lot. I wrote about one of them in a previous blog and yes a part me of me is still feeling the effects of her actions. The other female was not right for me at the start and I knew it, but even though I did not date her very long and I tried to remain friends with her, but like the other her actions and her receiving some very brutal honesty from some of my friends, we are no longer friends. Which is fine by me, she simply wanted the same thing the one before her did. The major thing they both have in common is they both made the same promise that they will not treat me like my other girlfriends and my ex wife did. Which was total bullshit. When I sit down and explain what I have dealt with and what hell I have walked through do not tell me a lie. I refused to date after 2008/9 and I became a recluse. I wanted the world to leave me the hell alone and I hid myself away in an emotional hole. I finally got talked out of my hole in 2015 and was told "I will not treat you like my predecessors". She knew what she was getting herself into and now it is 2016 and even though we broke up in July her actions on Labor day have made me want to go back into that hole. But I got a little brave and met "Ms. 2 Weeks" it did not take long for her true colors to come to life. I ended it with her due to her actions. Then "Ms. 2 weeks" had to show the world her "intelligence" and make a really bad post on FB that backfired on her.
Since all of this I have taken one day at time and trying to regroup as the saying goes. It has made me appreciate what true friends I do have. It has also made we want to return to my gothic roots. But I have learned a lot from all of this. And even though Karma is a slow process and I really wish I could give her a helping hand, some people I am close to advise me otherwise. But it is all good. I will rebuild my life again maybe. I say that because I have nothing to rebuild from. When you have been dealing with what I have dealt with it is hard to rebuild from ash when everyone that comes in your life destroys you completely and leaves unscathed.
And to me that is unfair to me. Karma may be slow, but receiving a "gift" of darkness from me just reminds you that she is coming....
Sunday, September 25, 2016
Wednesday, September 14, 2016
"Dragons are the sign of the Devil"
Before I start this blog. I want to make additional comments about my post "In Darkness":
She took a year away from me. When we broke up back in July it was not bothering me. I knew what she did wrong to me, and I knew why she did not make me happy. But its when the stunt she pulled by announcing to the world she was pregnant and I realized that she was sleeping around on me while she was with me that hit me hard and it made me feel like I wasted a year on another woman that truly did not give a fuck about me. So another woman out of my life that I wasted my time on and invested too much in her just to fucking destroy me. The best way I know how to describe how I feel is look on YouTube and search for Boondox's "Betrayal". That song is self explanatory.
Now back to our regularly scheduled blog.
If you have not read my older posts then I will go ahead and say this. I am an Atheist, I am gothic, and no I do not shove my theories of life and what not down your throat as long as you do not do the same. My parents are very devoted fundamentalist Christian and so they watch the televangelists on the "Church Channels." I do not know which one of them said this during a sermon but one of them mentioned that dragons if you collected them in your home was the sign of you letting the devil into your life Please also note that I have dragons, wizards, skulls, and the like all over my home and I am VERY proud of it. I even have a goddess Isis dagger that is very pretty. So my mom is declaring that I need to get rid of all of my stuff because "no good will come in your life as long as you have those items in your house." But please note that these same people that tell me I need to get rid of my devil stuff are the same people that bought me a dragon pocket watch a few year ago. Personally regardless of what I have in my home, not a lot of good has been in my life. This is a perfect example of why I am the way I am. I hate double standards, and that is something I have been dealing with my entire fucking life. Dragons are what drive me they remind me why I am gothic and dark to begin with. It is hard to claim an object is evil when the person who owns it is more evil.
It is stuff like this being said that makes people feel like they have to conform to what society wants.
As previously mentioned I have shared many stories about why I am no longer a Christian and why I became an Atheist. Just look at my older posts.
She took a year away from me. When we broke up back in July it was not bothering me. I knew what she did wrong to me, and I knew why she did not make me happy. But its when the stunt she pulled by announcing to the world she was pregnant and I realized that she was sleeping around on me while she was with me that hit me hard and it made me feel like I wasted a year on another woman that truly did not give a fuck about me. So another woman out of my life that I wasted my time on and invested too much in her just to fucking destroy me. The best way I know how to describe how I feel is look on YouTube and search for Boondox's "Betrayal". That song is self explanatory.
Now back to our regularly scheduled blog.
If you have not read my older posts then I will go ahead and say this. I am an Atheist, I am gothic, and no I do not shove my theories of life and what not down your throat as long as you do not do the same. My parents are very devoted fundamentalist Christian and so they watch the televangelists on the "Church Channels." I do not know which one of them said this during a sermon but one of them mentioned that dragons if you collected them in your home was the sign of you letting the devil into your life Please also note that I have dragons, wizards, skulls, and the like all over my home and I am VERY proud of it. I even have a goddess Isis dagger that is very pretty. So my mom is declaring that I need to get rid of all of my stuff because "no good will come in your life as long as you have those items in your house." But please note that these same people that tell me I need to get rid of my devil stuff are the same people that bought me a dragon pocket watch a few year ago. Personally regardless of what I have in my home, not a lot of good has been in my life. This is a perfect example of why I am the way I am. I hate double standards, and that is something I have been dealing with my entire fucking life. Dragons are what drive me they remind me why I am gothic and dark to begin with. It is hard to claim an object is evil when the person who owns it is more evil.
It is stuff like this being said that makes people feel like they have to conform to what society wants.
As previously mentioned I have shared many stories about why I am no longer a Christian and why I became an Atheist. Just look at my older posts.
In Memory of Mike Moore
About a month ago Michael Alan Moore, "Mike" to his family, was killed senselessly at his home. Three punks came to buy a gun from him and one of those punks shot and killed him. Two out of three were arrested and probably will not ever be tried for this horrible act and the third the one that pulled the trigger will probably never be brought to justice because he is on the run.
Guns do not kill people it is the punks/idiots/fools that point and pull the trigger. This is not a video game Mike is never coming back into this world.
I took the pictures the day of his funeral. I did it for him and had no plans to ever use them as a blog, but since I know his mother is still falling apart at the seams I felt it was time to write this.
R.I.P. Mike Moore....
Tuesday, September 13, 2016
"In Darkness"
"In darkness is where you found me and in darkness I will remain.."
This is a phrase I have used a lot over the years. I used to tell people that who first meet me, the same goes with women who find me interesting. I am gothic, I am dark, and yes I am a gentleman. Unless you try to kill me emotionally. I always thought that my ex-wife would be the only person ever to drive me to the edge, but I was VERY wrong...
I was with a young lady for almost a year, she was 21 when I first met her. I never thought that a woman that young would be interested in me. I had "disappeared" for nearly 7 years and my emotional walls were way up and I trusted no one. I look back at it now and I should of stayed that way. I had been through 9 years of hell (1999-2008), and after another episode with another woman, I wanted to die, that is what I wanted to do.
So I let her in my life it was different I thought she actually cared and then we broke up the first time and I should of known better and not let her come back but I did. Everything was ok after that I got her back into school, and I thought ok this might work. That lasted until March and then everything changed she quit school she did not want to work and she did not want to help me out. She basically pushed me away. At that time I did not know what was going on and I tried to make things better between us but she chose not to. She like my ex-wife started pushing me to the edge and in July we mutually ended it and agreed to be friends.
That was until Labor Day this year when I noticed that she was no longer a friend on one of my Facebook pages and then I sent a friend request and she fucking BLOCKED me. And then the truth came out she announced on her facebook that she was 5 months pregnant and I fucking flipped out. I was furious and hurt and betrayed and embarrassed because she was with ME while she was sleeping around. So I knew her kid was not mine simply due to the fact that there was no sex after this year started. Add to the fact that I found out she was talking shit about me. So that was more fuel on the fire. I treated her like a fucking queen and this is what I get for it. So yeah my life has not been the same since. She did what I thought no one would try and she fucking killed me, but it is ok she revived my darkside. So the walls are back up thicker and stronger. I want to go back into "hiding" again but those same people that talked me down from going to her house and deal with her accordingly, do not want me to go into hiding again either.
"So back into darkness I go but this time it is an emotional coffin instead of Pandora's box"
If betrayal and hurt feel like this then death will be a pleasure cruise...
This is a phrase I have used a lot over the years. I used to tell people that who first meet me, the same goes with women who find me interesting. I am gothic, I am dark, and yes I am a gentleman. Unless you try to kill me emotionally. I always thought that my ex-wife would be the only person ever to drive me to the edge, but I was VERY wrong...
I was with a young lady for almost a year, she was 21 when I first met her. I never thought that a woman that young would be interested in me. I had "disappeared" for nearly 7 years and my emotional walls were way up and I trusted no one. I look back at it now and I should of stayed that way. I had been through 9 years of hell (1999-2008), and after another episode with another woman, I wanted to die, that is what I wanted to do.
So I let her in my life it was different I thought she actually cared and then we broke up the first time and I should of known better and not let her come back but I did. Everything was ok after that I got her back into school, and I thought ok this might work. That lasted until March and then everything changed she quit school she did not want to work and she did not want to help me out. She basically pushed me away. At that time I did not know what was going on and I tried to make things better between us but she chose not to. She like my ex-wife started pushing me to the edge and in July we mutually ended it and agreed to be friends.
That was until Labor Day this year when I noticed that she was no longer a friend on one of my Facebook pages and then I sent a friend request and she fucking BLOCKED me. And then the truth came out she announced on her facebook that she was 5 months pregnant and I fucking flipped out. I was furious and hurt and betrayed and embarrassed because she was with ME while she was sleeping around. So I knew her kid was not mine simply due to the fact that there was no sex after this year started. Add to the fact that I found out she was talking shit about me. So that was more fuel on the fire. I treated her like a fucking queen and this is what I get for it. So yeah my life has not been the same since. She did what I thought no one would try and she fucking killed me, but it is ok she revived my darkside. So the walls are back up thicker and stronger. I want to go back into "hiding" again but those same people that talked me down from going to her house and deal with her accordingly, do not want me to go into hiding again either.
"So back into darkness I go but this time it is an emotional coffin instead of Pandora's box"
If betrayal and hurt feel like this then death will be a pleasure cruise...
Monday, September 12, 2016
Darkness Returns...
To my readers,
As I sit here and debate what I want to write on and yes there is so much I want to write about. Where have I been some of you may of been asking, or maybe in some cases who is this blogger? I admit that I have been gone awhile and I have been dealing with life. Some parts of my life have been difficult to accept. So as I let my Pandora station fill my room with music and I am trying to relax. I decided to write a blog.
I had different reasons for starting this blog and a lot of it was I needed a creative outlet for what I am dealing with or what I see on TV. Then I got busy along the way with trying to make my life better. I have accomplished that somewhat. I am out of the fast food business which was my main goal. Then last week happened and that is when I decided that maybe it was time to get back to my gothic roots and go back to the way I was. I felt like I really needed to do this since in the past year a female almost killed what little bit of me still existed. Do I feel like she accomplished her goal, yes unfortunately I do. But as a result of all that I have found out this week yes she destroyed me but she released the fury of my darkside and not a lot of people can fathom how I am when I am in my "darkest place". Yes I am a believer in Karma but sometimes I feel it moves to slow and I want to help it along. Once she killed me emotionally, starved me to death for affection, and overall tried to drive my dark side out, then that only leaves anger and darkness. I reached my borderline breaking point back in July, but after this week and then finding out what was really going on then Pandora's box was destroyed and I was ready to show her like I have shown so many in the past what I am like when my veil of restraint is totally gone. Thankfully I have some very awesome friends in this world.
So I have decided to bring my blog back and use it as my outlet again.
Darkness Returns....
As I sit here and debate what I want to write on and yes there is so much I want to write about. Where have I been some of you may of been asking, or maybe in some cases who is this blogger? I admit that I have been gone awhile and I have been dealing with life. Some parts of my life have been difficult to accept. So as I let my Pandora station fill my room with music and I am trying to relax. I decided to write a blog.
I had different reasons for starting this blog and a lot of it was I needed a creative outlet for what I am dealing with or what I see on TV. Then I got busy along the way with trying to make my life better. I have accomplished that somewhat. I am out of the fast food business which was my main goal. Then last week happened and that is when I decided that maybe it was time to get back to my gothic roots and go back to the way I was. I felt like I really needed to do this since in the past year a female almost killed what little bit of me still existed. Do I feel like she accomplished her goal, yes unfortunately I do. But as a result of all that I have found out this week yes she destroyed me but she released the fury of my darkside and not a lot of people can fathom how I am when I am in my "darkest place". Yes I am a believer in Karma but sometimes I feel it moves to slow and I want to help it along. Once she killed me emotionally, starved me to death for affection, and overall tried to drive my dark side out, then that only leaves anger and darkness. I reached my borderline breaking point back in July, but after this week and then finding out what was really going on then Pandora's box was destroyed and I was ready to show her like I have shown so many in the past what I am like when my veil of restraint is totally gone. Thankfully I have some very awesome friends in this world.
So I have decided to bring my blog back and use it as my outlet again.
Darkness Returns....
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