This is the start to a series that I am calling "I survived ____" what I want to do with this series of various "life" topics is discuss what I have been through so maybe some of you can either learn from or relate to it.
This I survived is on BULLYING.
So from the time I was in 6th grade til about late 10th grade I was a victim of bullying. I was different from all of the other kids and I did not fit in. But also back in those days most school systems had two school systems (county and city). My family decided it was in their own best interests that we move to the county of where I live. I was forced to leave all that I knew behind because even though it was a short drive to the city school my mom who did not work while my dad did refused to drive that short a distance to take me to school, even though it was like 4 miles from where we moved and the county school was like a half a mile. I survived 5th grade but 6th is when it started. It started with teasing and it just went from there. By the time 7th grade rolled around it had escalated to being hit for no reason with books, binders, notebooks, etc. So I left school early alot in those days. Then I got my first "swirly" which for those of you that don't have any idea what I am talking about its when you get picked up by a few kids and your head stuck in a toilet and it is flushed. I got punched for no reason and when it was decided that I should start riding a bus that was just a horrible situation and so I left school upset and got on the bus with high school kids and that just made things worse. Of course back in those days no one in my family listened so imagine a 12 year old with thoughts of running away due to feeling so alone. I felt like I had no one to talk to and no one really cared. So when I got into high school the bullying continued still getting hit with things, being picked on, stuff being taken, hit in the head by seniors in the same high school with their rings. It took a lot of begging to my mom to let me start wearing black. With all that I have gone through by that point I had turned inward into myself and by the time I was 16 and could drive. I was at my wits in. I had decided that with all of the interesting tools in my dad's toolbox on the truck I was driving I could of seriously hurt someone if I wanted to. But I was trying to take the non-violent be gothic and hope that the black would scare people away or if the worse happened it could of made things worse. Luckily it ended by the time half of 10th grade was over.
I watch on the news about all of the school shootings and kids that killed themselves due to the bullying and the fact they had no one to talk to. I know how they felt. I have a feeling now that back then if I knew how to use a gun or owned a knife I would have used it. I was at my breaking point and with all of the tools in my dad's tool box back in the day I know that there was something in there that would of done what I wanted it to do. I feel bad for those who have to deal with this. To me it seems to be getting worse, look at how many school shootings there have been over the years since Columbine. I know that they have occurred its just the media never reported it.
Most people get over being bullied and forget their past. I have gotten over the being bullied part but I still have the emotional scars from it. Something was on TV this was around 2000 I think and my parents made a comment about it the topic was bullying. I looked at my parents that day and I simply told them that I had been bullied and I tried to explain to them that I tried to come to them but they simply ignored me. Of course they both claimed that they do not remember or acted like it never occurred claiming it was my own "attention getting device" back when we first moved. I of course was hurt by their revelation and I dropped the conversation. It is like the topic of me wearing black my mom thinks I should be out of that phase by now. I told her one time that wearing black is what saved my life and she just will not see it.
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