Deconversion Part One

Deconversion: The loss of faith in a given religion and return to a previously held religion or non-religion (typically atheism, agnosticism, or rationalism).

This is my story.....

I have not told many people this story about me, but I am going to write this anyway.

I was once a Christian a long time ago. When I was in college back in the mid-90's I had made some friends and I had joined the local Baptist Student Union. I grew up in a light Christian home which meant we believed in God worshiped him in our own way at home but we never went to a church on Sunday. We would listen to it on the radio or watch it on TV. My Grandparents were the die hard Christian soldiers my Grandfather was a Bible scholar and taught Sunday school and what not he might of been an Elder if the church they attended believed in that system. I joined the BSU and was an active member and we all hung out and studied school and I would go to different churches in the area of the college I went to. I had a small old bible that was given to me when I was younger and I took it on a church trip and all of my friends had big nice bibles with all the trimmings. The trip was 2 days of deep study and bonding with your fellow Christians and that day I thought I had found myself and thought I was forgiven by God and all the things that a "saved" Christian did. We came back from that trip and I thought I had found a little more of myself and was excited. So the next night after our trip the group had gotten together and had bought me a really nice and probably expensive Bible. I had actually felt like I belonged and was building a close knit friendship.

So after I got out of college I started attending church twice a week, went to Sunday school, meet old friends and made someone new ones. I even met my first girlfriend there. Well she was a Christian girl and I thought all would work out, but as the saying goes she was a wolf in sheep's clothing. Our relationship had its ups and downs but it had more downs. As a result of all the downs my mother broke what I was taught as a silent rule that you do not go into another's Bible and mark or write it in which she did. So after a year I ended with the girl I was seeing and it was hard to use that Bible again after what my mother had done. I looked at my bible as I was taught in church and by my Grandfather as my sacred space. So I basically felt like my mother had vandalized my Bible. Since that day I have not opened or looked at my bible and its been 15 years. After I ended with the girl I left the church I had attended and I went to 3 other churches but none of them felt right none of them felt like a positive place. So I did not go back to any church service after that, I have never opened my bible and I quit listening to the Christian music. I returned to my Gothicness and I tolerated my family's religious ways and I got dragged to an occasional church function at my Grandparent's church. Those few times I went to their church I saw what a bigoted, only go to church to be seen, Christian, never the "my god is an awesome god" Christian.

It was in 1999 that my path to deconversion started I began to turn my back on all of the teachings because I just could not believe what I had seen or gone through. It would be a long walk for 5 years with me battling my faith in the Christian God and the belief in the church system, but it was one event in 2004 that totally destroyed my faith in the Christian God. One event that made me return to my Gothic roots, and made me a closet Atheist.

TO BE CONTINUED.

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