"In Darkness"

"In darkness is where you found me and in darkness I will remain.."

This is a phrase I have used a lot over the years. I used to tell people that who first meet me, the same goes with women who find me interesting. I am gothic, I am dark, and yes I am a gentleman. Unless you try to kill me emotionally. I always thought that my ex-wife would be the only person ever to drive me to the edge, but I was VERY wrong...

I was with a young lady for almost a year, she was 21 when I first met her. I never thought that a woman that young would be interested in me. I had "disappeared" for nearly 7 years and my emotional walls were way up and I trusted no one. I look back at it now and I should of stayed that way. I had been through 9 years of hell (1999-2008), and after another episode with another woman, I wanted to die, that is what I wanted to do.

So I let her in my life it was different I thought she actually cared and then we broke up the first time and I should of known better and not let her come back but I did. Everything was ok after that I got her back into school, and I thought ok this might work. That lasted until March and then everything changed she quit school she did not want to work and she did not want to help me out. She basically pushed me away. At that time I did not know what was going on and I tried to make things better between us but she chose not to. She like my ex-wife started pushing me to the edge and in July we mutually ended it and agreed to be friends.

That was until Labor Day this year when I noticed that she was no longer a friend on one of my Facebook pages and then I sent a friend request and she fucking BLOCKED me. And then the truth came out she announced on her facebook that she was 5 months pregnant and I fucking flipped out. I was furious and hurt and betrayed and embarrassed because she was with ME while she was sleeping around. So I knew her kid was not mine simply due to the fact that there was no sex after this year started. Add to the fact that I found out she was talking shit about me. So that was more fuel on the fire. I treated her like a fucking queen and this is what I get for it. So yeah my life has not been the same since. She did what I thought no one would try and she fucking killed me, but it is ok she revived my darkside. So the walls are back up thicker and stronger. I want to go back into "hiding" again but those same people that talked me down from going to her house and deal with her accordingly, do not want me to go into hiding again either.

"So back into darkness I go but this time it is an emotional coffin instead of Pandora's box"

If betrayal and hurt feel like this then death will be a pleasure cruise...